Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Giving Thanks Daily, January 20, 2016 - Darci Escandon

by Darci Escandon

Today, just now actually, I was reading 1 Corinthians 12. In this passage, we read about the gifts of the spirit and suddenly, I had an epiphany!

I was hurt by the church. I felt called by God but a man, a leader of a denomination said I was only worthy of leading if I spoke in tongues. It was the most important tenant in their tenants of faith. I couldn't sign on the dotted line even though I wanted ordination more than anything. It just wasn't Biblical in my eyes. I think I let that "shot to my ego" dis rail me and I never even realized it. I realize now that there was a little voice in my head that kept telling me, I wasn't good enough and the fact that I didn't speak in tongues solidified that for me.

God says I am good enough but man didn't. And for some reason, it was man's opinion that I wrestled with. No matter how tough I may be on the outside, it was man's opinion of me that I wrestled with in the inside.

Who is man? This Pastor, the tenants of faith of the Assembly's of God church, my husband, my mother, my daughter, the managers that interviewed me for jobs only to send the rejection letter later. These were the voices I and opinions I have been feeding and I didn't even know it.

Why was I feeling rejected when God says I'm accepted?
Why was I feeling unwanted when God says I'm wanted?
Why was I feeling worthless when God says I have value?
Why was I feeling unqualified when God says I'm more than qualified?
Why was I putting "man's" opinions ahead of God?

Could it be that's it easier to live in a negative feeling you're used to because it's familiar even though it's toxic? No, that isn't it. What Hod revealed to me today is that I was doing this because I am tired. Tired of the fight, tired of forcing will power and tired of doing it on my own. Yes, I would talk to God but because of my impatience and "control freak" nature, I realized I was telling God "ok, I'll wait on you to answer, BUT, in the meantime I'm going to try "X, Y & Z".
So, once again, here I sit wondering where I am going and once again, God is waiting on me to quit doing things my way. He's telling me @are you finally ready to let go and let me help?"
And my answer is Yes God, with all my heart, YES.


©2016 copywrite remains with author, Darci Escandon

Shawn Delia Boreta

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I love people. My life has been spent seeking new friendships and helping others. God's gifting is being worked out into His plan for me. I am excited to share insights of His leadings and lessons.