Friday, March 30, 2012
Day 862 of Giving Thanks
As I sat in the chair waiting for the towel too be pulled off my head, I couldn't help but think oh my goodness, what have I done! What is my husband going to think? As the towel was taken off and I saw the color, the panic set in....oh dear, I look like Raggedy Ann! Gone were the concerns of my mother in law and my best friend and their recent cancer diagnosis, gone were the thoughts of my dear friend whose grandmother is fading away fast, gone were my husbands vents about work and my struggles to get my school work caught up!
I had a panic attack sitting in the chair....over something as petty as hair color. I had been treated to a day at the salon. My daughter told the stylist "make sure you do something that's makes her outside look like her inside, something fun!"
As I sat there trying to take this all in, I realized just how vain I was in that moment. Its just hair....it can be changed...but cancer can't, death can't, job loss can't.
According to my daughter, my outside now matches my inside....fun, fearless, full of love and Joy. I took a chance and I'll probably do it again. But what I realized is God loves me regardless of my hair and I had such a wonderful opportunity to minister to the stylist who was really in need of a non judgmental ear.......and there are more important things happening in this world too be concerned about than my hair!
But, I kept hearing that little voice in my head saying “This is ridiculous, you look ridiculous! How is anyone going to take you seriously with hair like that? You are a Christian woman and Christian women do not have hair like that, you are going to be a disgrace and you won’t be able to go to church now…people are going to look at you and laugh.”
For the rest of the time I spent in the salon, that voice and those words kept running around in my head. As I saw the stylist, who had just finished revealing her life story to me over the past 2 hours, start to panic and worry, I kept telling her it was not her fault. I had asked for fun and intense and that’s what she gave me. She is so gifted and passionate about her work. She takes her clients feelings so seriously. She kept reassuring me that we could tone it down and change it…anything to make me happy. It was at that moment that I looked into her eyes and looked into the mirror and I realized, I can make this work. Life is about taking chances and this was a big one. When my daughter and husband got there to pick me up, they both smiled. My daughter started crying because she loved it so much and couldn’t stop hugging the stylist.
I also realized this evening, that we are all made for a purpose. Those thoughts that had been swimming around my head were discouraging me from that purpose. The only look that a Christian should have is the look of Christ. We are all made differently, in different skins and different colors. My daughter was right, our outsides should match our insides. When people look at me they should see God and that’s all.
Yes, life would be easier if I could just lock myself up in my home and only surround myself with Christian friends. But, then I wouldn’t be able to witness or talk to people who have no idea who God is…or those that don’t even want to listen. I am human, the enemy will attack and the more doors I close, the harder it will be for him. Today, I had to crucify my flesh in a new way…but I did it. God gave me the strength to realize my life was not over because of a fun hair color. No, He showed me how I can use this to embrace life and people and maybe even, reach a group of people I never would have been able to talk to before!!!
Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for showing me how to crucify my flesh and be in the world but not of the world. Thank you for revealing my flaws and helping me work on them. Thank you for being so present in my life and allowing myself to see others through your eyes. Lord, you are the most important thing in my life and I want so badly, for others to have that intimate relationship with you. Thank you for helping me get over myself and focus on what was more important. Lord, please be with the stylist today. Lord, you know her pains and her confusion in life. Lord, you have given her a tremendous gift and an even bigger heart. Show her how she can use that gift to better your kingdom. Help her to see how she can have that relationship with her. Lord, bless her beyond her wildest dreams and be the best mom she can be! Thank you Lord, Amen!
© 2012 Giving Thanks Daily, Darci Escandon
We are Wonderfully Made (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wonderfully-Made/130178720330362), living to encourage and Equip His People (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Equip-His-People-Ephesians-411-13/170487976325407) and completely committed to believing greatly Psalm 139 with purpose (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Psalm-139-with-purpose/183264461708034).