Oh, how my heart can relate to this passage. Things had been going so well for me. I was exhausted and life was getting hard. My mother in law has been diagnosed with cervical cancer and my best friend has been told that it looks like she also, has cervical cancer. My husband may not have a job come September due to a “reduction in force” and my mom and dad’s marriage looks like it may be falling apart. All of this on top of life’s normal day to day stresses. But yet, God gives me the strength to get me through t all so I haven’t felt overwhelmed or depressed. My motto has been “Life Happens, but God is Stronger, He’s Got This!!!”
Then, I am reminded of just how dirty the world plays. As I mentioned, I have been able to “turn down barriers against the truth of God”. My atheist friends are starting to converse with me about God, asking questions and my opinions on things knowing that my response will be God centered. My marriage is healing and just growing stronger. I have been breaking barriers left and right and trying to mature in Christ. Then, it happened.
Friday night, I received notification that the Uncle that molested me for many years while I was growing up wanted to talk to me and was trying to reach me. I have forgiven him but haven't seen or talked to him since I was a sophomore in high school over 25 years ago or so. When I got the news I felt all the hurts of my entire life come haunting back. The enemy came in full force. But God is so much bigger. I prayed thatched would take the pain and at that moment, my husband took me in his arms, held me and whispered in my ear "I will protect you". Today was spent running errands but it was bonding time for me and Leo and once again, God showed just how much he cares and the enemy had no choice but to flee because I asked shod to help me NOT to feed the hurts of the past. I didn't call my Uncle today but I will soon.
Rather than drowning in hurts of the past, I chose to give it to God. Rather than feed the fears and the emotions, I gave them to God. It’s not easy. I KNOW that God is in charge and that it He is so much stronger than any emotion or negative thought that the enemy can plant in my mind, but knowing and feeling are 2 very different things. Yet, it is because of this knowledge that has come from studying the Word of God in depth for years, that I can turn this over to God. It is because of this Armor of God that we learn about in Ephesians 6, that I am able to let go and let God.
The hurt is still there, it feels as fresh as it did when I was a child, but the difference is I no longer blame. I no longer point the finger and my heart is being filled with the forgiveness and comfort and peace that only God can bring. Relying on my own understanding and strength would have given me a much different posting for today. Forgiveness is not saying that what my Uncle did was ok, forgiveness means that I am not going to allow him to live rent free in my mind and my heart. Forgiveness means that I have given him over to God and that I refuse to live in pain. Forgiveness means that I will let go of the past and look forward to the future that my Lord has prepared for me. Forgiveness means that I will not let my rear view mirror of life grow to be bigger than my windshield. My focus is on the future, not on the past.
Thank you Lord for your peace and comfort and forgiveness. Thank you for standing with me against the arrows of the enemy. Thank you for your grace and mercy and I pray that my Uncle can find the same in you. Lord, please forgive him for what he did and I pray that his life is overflowing with blessing. Amen.
© 2012 Giving Thanks Daily, Darci Escandon
Web: http://shawnsgivingthanksdaily.blogspot.com/
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We are Wonderfully Made (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wonderfully-Made/130178720330362), living to encourage and Equip His People (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Equip-His-People-Ephesians-411-13/170487976325407) and completely committed to believing greatly Psalm 139 with purpose (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Psalm-139-with-purpose/183264461708034).
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