Saturday, February 18, 2012

Day 826 of Giving Thanks by Darci Escandon

Life can be so painful at times. There are days where I wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting. People I love seem to make wrong choices and I can see the path that they will go down and it just breaks my heart. I want to yell “STOP TURN AROUND, GO THE OTHER WAY!!!” but the words just don’t come out. Being a mom is hard. I want the best for my child, I don’t want her to hurt and I want her to learn from my mistakes. I don’t want her to take the path that I went down. Sometimes, as I watch her grow I wonder if I did everything right. If I taught her the right things or If I could have done more.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~Proverbs 22:6 (New International Version)

Did I train her right? Did I show her God’s word correctly? Did I show her how she can have God in her heart? Did I show her how to have faith? Did I show her how to be in the world but not of the world? I want to keep her sheltered from pain but I know that I can’t. I know that God has picked out a path for each one of us to walk and hard and difficult times are a part of each of the paths we all walk. When I think about what I want to keep away from my daughter I wonder if God feels the same way about me. I wonder if His heart breaks when He sees me drift away or make wrong choices.

“Never be ashamed of the scars that life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, you endured the pain and God has healed you.” ~Anonymous

Pain and hurt are a part of life, just like laughter in love. I don’t know God’s plan for my daughter but I do know that He will not give her anything that she can’t handle. It’s not for me to pretend to know what He wants. He chose me to be her mom. He already knew her before I did. He knows the road that she has to travel. There is God in that child, there is God in me. It’s my job to stay grounded and steady and to continuously trust in what God has planned for her. I want what I think is best for her, but What God wants for her is so much more important. Regardless of the choices she makes, she is my daughter and I am her mother. I am her guide, her rock, her confidant, her teacher, her heart, her example.

Lord, being a parent is so hard. My heart breaks over some of the choices my child is making. Help me to show her love and kindness. Help me to draw nearer to you in these times and help me to be humble and trust you more. Lord, take this hurting heart and heal it, fill it with joy and peace and comfort. Help me say the right words the words you want me to say not what my broken heart wants me to say. Lord, you are my rock and my guide. Lord, without you I am nothing. My hope is in you Lord. Thank you for choosing me to be her mom and thank you for trusting me with her. I love you Lord. Amen.

© 2012 Giving Thanks Daily, Darci Escandon

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I love people. My life has been spent seeking new friendships and helping others. God's gifting is being worked out into His plan for me. I am excited to share insights of His leadings and lessons.