Thank you God for bringing me such a long way, and always being here with me on this journey – this journey, that at times is an up and down roller coaster ride that the enemy works very hard at controlling. And, what I have learned already, is that when I try to control things, I am actually asking God to release His control – and what a mistake that is.
"Now God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together. When troubles ganged up on me, a mob of sins past counting, I was so swamped by guilt I couldn't see my way clear. More guilt in my heart than hair on my head, so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out." ~Psalm 40:11-12 (The Message)
So, this up and down roller coaster ride, called my life, is now very different because of who is truly in control now. The biggest difference is the one that I realize in my household. There was a time, that I believed that because I was getting close to God, He would just fix my life, fix my marriage... I asked and asked, even begged, “fix my marriage, change his heart”. I just kept hearing, “Shawn, just love him, give of yourself, respect him and follow his lead, as long as not counter to Me”. Yet, over and over, I ignored my God’s pleas, His instruction…
I didn’t get it! I kept waiting for Chris to change, for all the pieces of my life to fall perfectly together, just because I loved God; just because I “had God”. I thought that meant eliminating my life, as it was with Chris, and God would change him to fit into my new existence. I grew into God, I absorbed, I got to know God, and hear Him, and see His work in my life, but it was all peripheral growth, lateral, not deep.
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." ~Romans 12:9-11
I am learning... That to ask shows strength and courage - to go it alone shows weakness and pride.
Thank you God for bringing me such a long way, and always being here with me on this journey – this journey, that at times is an up and down roller coaster ride that the enemy works very hard at controlling. And, what I have learned already, is that when I try to control things, I am actually asking God to release His control – and what a mistake that is.
"Now God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together. When troubles ganged up on me, a mob of sins past counting, I was so swamped by guilt I couldn't see my way clear. More guilt in my heart than hair on my head, so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out." ~Psalm 40:11-12 (The Message)
So, this up and down roller coaster ride, called my life, is now very different because of who is truly in control now. The biggest difference is the one that I realize in my household. There was a time, that I believed that because I was getting close to God, He would just fix my life, fix my marriage... I asked and asked, even begged, “fix my marriage, change his heart”. I just kept hearing, “Shawn, just love him, give of yourself, respect him and follow his lead, as long as not counter to Me”. Yet, over and over, I ignored my God’s pleas, His instruction…
I didn’t get it! I kept waiting for Chris to change, for all the pieces of my life to fall perfectly together, just because I loved God; just because I “had God”. I thought that meant eliminating my life, as it was with Chris, and God would change him to fit into my new existence. I grew into God, I absorbed, I got to know God, and hear Him, and see His work in my life, but it was all peripheral growth, lateral, not deep.
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." ~Romans 12:9-11
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
In, what seemed like a flash, I changed, not willingly, but because God got my attention. It wasn't until I got sick (3 months ago) and had to stop all my outside activity (building a business that I believed was my platform for Christ, cause I could evangelize to my clients)… in reality, it kept me from my primary ministry, my husband. Avoidance was not the answer, submission to God's plan is.
The change has been so drastic – my life is a dream. There is, once again, a love story in my heart, in my mind and in my future.
Thank You Lord for my perfect journey.
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