While I was visiting with someone yesterday and putting closure to a part of my life that has been “my life” for nine years, they compassionately said, “Don’t lose “Shawn” in the process of pleasing and submitting to your husband”. After hugs, a few tears, I left. Within a mile, I started to cry – to mourn some of the losses I have endured, just in this year. I started the grieving process. It is now real.
Sweetly surrendering over and over.… and today it really hit me, that I must be completely lost in my husband , that is my entire goal in life. Let me explain.
My heavenly husband, when lost in Him, all of my life will fall completely in to place. And, although in this earthly body, and as I possess this earthly mind, I will never comprehend fully or wholly what it all means, I am at peace in so many ways. The wisdom I have acquired and will acquire as I pursue God’s will, and through so many answers and miracles I am witness to, are priceless.
Since, I have a fairly structured business background, I tend to compartmentalize areas of my life; work and play; joy and pain; rain and sun; success and failure; happy and sad, and somehow God was in a compartment all alone. But, He wants to be part of everything, in everything because He is everything. I began to realize that with God, all things work for the good of God’s plan.
Empty me. So much of what I had grown into over the past nine years, although a great education in many ways, has also been the source of compromise in the other areas that are so very important – family, and above all God. But the reverse is also true. Without my compromises, I would not have “needed” God so much.
Through brokenness, defeat, failure and being emptied, I started to change, and I also started to embrace these changes... I allowed God to teach me what love meant. The closer I got to God, the more He implored me to let go of who I was, and become who He designed me to be. I never knew how prideful I was, until recently.
But now, I am grateful that God pointed my pride out. I have laid my marriage, and Chris, before the Lord, but most important, I laid me before the throne – stripped of myself and naked I laid, and clothed in His warmth and His love I became.
I love Chris, and truly enjoy spending time with him... just 6 months ago, he was ready to quit - because I was a fanatic, about a few things in my life, including God. It is through Chris’ insights, revealed by God, that God used to show me how to seek Him more. Because of all the other “things” I put before Chris, I was unable to show God in my life – however I sure talked about it a lot.
Now I do things on purpose to spend time with both of my husbands, and in the proper order. Because God got my attention, Chris get’s mine more and more today and I have another chance – to get to know him again. And, it appears that it is Chris who has the more open mind at times. I took eight years to respond, yet Chris took months as soon I did what I was supposed to do all along.
I thought I would give up who I had become to be with Chris more, and really God gave me a new identity that totally glorifies Him. Thank You Lord for giving me so much, and being so much of me.
Sweetly surrendering over and over.… and today it really hit me, that I must be completely lost in my husband , that is my entire goal in life. Let me explain.
“I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” ~Isaiah 61:10
My heavenly husband, when lost in Him, all of my life will fall completely in to place. And, although in this earthly body, and as I possess this earthly mind, I will never comprehend fully or wholly what it all means, I am at peace in so many ways. The wisdom I have acquired and will acquire as I pursue God’s will, and through so many answers and miracles I am witness to, are priceless.
Since, I have a fairly structured business background, I tend to compartmentalize areas of my life; work and play; joy and pain; rain and sun; success and failure; happy and sad, and somehow God was in a compartment all alone. But, He wants to be part of everything, in everything because He is everything. I began to realize that with God, all things work for the good of God’s plan.
Empty me. So much of what I had grown into over the past nine years, although a great education in many ways, has also been the source of compromise in the other areas that are so very important – family, and above all God. But the reverse is also true. Without my compromises, I would not have “needed” God so much.
“My choice is You God, God, first and only. And now I find I'm your choice! You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir! ~“ Psalm 16:5-6 (The Message)
Through brokenness, defeat, failure and being emptied, I started to change, and I also started to embrace these changes... I allowed God to teach me what love meant. The closer I got to God, the more He implored me to let go of who I was, and become who He designed me to be. I never knew how prideful I was, until recently.
But now, I am grateful that God pointed my pride out. I have laid my marriage, and Chris, before the Lord, but most important, I laid me before the throne – stripped of myself and naked I laid, and clothed in His warmth and His love I became.
“‘If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” ~Matthew 6:30-33
I love Chris, and truly enjoy spending time with him... just 6 months ago, he was ready to quit - because I was a fanatic, about a few things in my life, including God. It is through Chris’ insights, revealed by God, that God used to show me how to seek Him more. Because of all the other “things” I put before Chris, I was unable to show God in my life – however I sure talked about it a lot.
Now I do things on purpose to spend time with both of my husbands, and in the proper order. Because God got my attention, Chris get’s mine more and more today and I have another chance – to get to know him again. And, it appears that it is Chris who has the more open mind at times. I took eight years to respond, yet Chris took months as soon I did what I was supposed to do all along.
“The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. Day and night I'll stick with God; I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go.
I'm happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed. You canceled my ticket to hell—that's not my destination!” ~Psalm 16:7-10
I thought I would give up who I had become to be with Chris more, and really God gave me a new identity that totally glorifies Him. Thank You Lord for giving me so much, and being so much of me.
“The mighty man will become tinder and his work a spark; both will burn together, with no one to quench the fire." ~Isaiah 1:31
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