Taking on the weight of the world is not a virtue, I have learned. It is a never-ending battle between sanity and clarity. Over the years I have “taken on” way too much, and what ensued was havoc, heartache and ill feelings, mostly on my part. By no means have I figured out how to do things completely “right”, but I am surely getting better.
As a woman, I, not only want everyone happy around me, I want them fixed (restored and whole) – I believe I have tried to make everything work perfectly around me and especially being a perfect “Shawn” for most of my own life, which is a great way to drive myself crazy.
I have made the most painful mistakes with many in my life, especially those I love. I am grateful that I have been able to forgive myself, as I grow in my relationship with God. What an amazing process this is. Fortunately, it’s not the pain I reflect upon - it is the growth that has occurred and the blessings of truth that I realize. What I know now is the best way to help others is through loving them and accepting them for who and where they are – still embedding this into my own fabric.
When I try to “better” those around me, really, what I am doing is dismissing what God created. So, how did I become that hypercritical, busy body who wants to butt in and make changes with those I meet and know? It’s easy, I have spent much of my life on the receiving end of this also; I have known so many people who have “tried” to change me. And, how do I recover from this disorder or being a fix-it gal? It’s easy, I let go of what I know, and become what He is. I allow God to step in and take control. I allow God to do His work in me through the Holy Spirit. I allow God to work on others, in His chosen manner and timing. And, I continue to work on me, and do what I can do toward that, and count on God for His part.
What now? That’s really easy and hard at the same time. I continue to allow God to do what He does in me, and pray for others to know Him as well.
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