In the summer of this year, my life was leveled, it was a storm of many storms, and a storm like I have never experienced before. Every emotion, every fiber of my being was paralyzed. It was in that low point, that I felt God’s presence greatly.
My life was in the midst of a major change, and I was clueless; I had been disconnected and living my personal life with God; and ignoring what should have been most important after God, my husband. I wanted things my way. At that time, I knew there was something I needed to give up, yet, I negotiated with God and my husband. I told God at that time, if this is something I need to “give up”, then “You need to take away this desire, this passion, and this sense of obligation to complete what I started”.
That storm had passed and life continued to sink right back to where it was. I continued to “do what I did”, and normalcy settled back in. I was not willing to budge with my idea of what I needed to keep doing. But there was a storm in the background – the perfect storm – the one where all the other storms in your life collide. And, here I was on path to finish what I started, and it began to slip away with the moments fog and confusion and fire running through my veins; I went to God often and fervently.
BAM! I was down for the count. That is what I am grateful for today, and for my future. I live a blessed life – my hope is the hope that everyone dreams of. I am living that dream – where heavenly Father loves me, cares for me and is both faithful and trustworthy. This is a victory story, as I learn to appreciate every aspect of my life, and revel in the circumstances because they are blessed by a mighty God.
My regular cry has been the cry of Jeremiah 33:3, which says “Call unto me, and I will show you great and mighty things”.
Physical pain and exhaustion took over. I have been in pain for over twenty years, exhaustion comes and goes; but this time was different; and the test results showed it – so now, I wait and trust, because God said, “Enough! It’s time to bring this to a halt. Rest! Rest in Me.”
As I said, I have asked God to remove the desires in my heart, if not His will, and replace with passion like I have never felt to fulfill what He will have for me. This is in process, my God is faithful and His plan is perfect.
Here is what I have learned – I must always allow the ministering to occur in my life. I must never believe "I've got it". As I sit here today, I realize I have come a long way, and the flesh really wants to congratulate me... but it is not my "well done" that counts. I must remember that my only job is to humble myself before my mighty King and allow Him to work, and continue to work, and continue to work, until HE says, "well done".
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” ~Matthew 11:28
On day 233, it began with today’s ending of clarity “It is true that in the pain I can see God’s glory.”