Additional Insights (Original Article, Emerging From the Wreckage, E-Zine)
There are many things that have changed in my life. The word of the year is transformation.
When someone is complaining, whether it is directed at me or in general, I nod, but I am not nodding in agreement with what they say, I am nodding in agreement with who God says I am or what God says is true.
"I am a mighty woman of God. I am lead to the most amazing situations through my days on earth. No matter what I am going through, my Christ went through the worst. My job is to unconditionally love a man who does not know Christ, and see Christ in me. I am a mighty woman of God, and He strengthens me through every uncomfortable moment, attack or disapproval by anyone else - for that is the enemy - looking for the weak spot to jump in and take me down. I will not be moved. I am on solid ground, here. God has my front, my back and all sides completely. Every arrow that comes to me, bounces back to slap the enemy in the face - take that... "
...or something along this line. It varies depending on how pissed off I am, or how hurt I am.
When anyone is negative, focuses on the negative... yada yada...
Today, I FOCUS ON WHAT GOD GAVE ME. I wake up praising that I get to spend eternity (which is a lot longer than my life here); my husband has pain that I will never know. Guilt that will not go away with his ways, and I know that God in him will transform him, so I pray diligently that the Lord will catch him... take his bitterness and turn it into tenderness. My God will take the pain of my husband and make him whole again. I am only unequally yoked in my marriage, but the husband I treasure is the one who died for me - who takes the hits for me every day, seen and unseen. My job, is to love my husband, like Christ loves me. And, who can turn that away?
There is so much wisdom in our lessons; I pray that the grieving is minor; and through your journey God is blessing your honesty and all the giving that is ushered my way from my God through amazing people of God.
Know this, I am hearing God. It is hard, because a big part of me wants to just start over and have a life without all the riff and strife. My heart has been broken so much, and it is a daily exercise to seek God and to lay the words or looks or whatever feels wrong with my marriage at His feet. Through the pain I received, I administered pain too. Over the years, my disconnection has been deep wounds and wounds that were representative of Christ to the ones I love; and my heart's desire is to wipe all of that past from existence, and to create a new Christ for those I love through my example. The enemy works hard in my life... but I will not be moved.
During my walk on Saturday as I walked home after meeting Leo, I was in tears, I felt so much grief and loss for a life I so wanted - a husband who adores me, edifies me, supports my every move... but as I did, I was released. What God has in store is greater. My life is being played out here, for a life I will truly live in eternity. Worshiping and loving in ways that tease the senses now.
Greetings and welcome to my life, at least tid-bits of it. My name is Shawn Delia Boreta, and I am honored that you have decided to read some of my story. My life is average and ordinary, by most accounts. And, yes, I want more and every day I get a little bit better in striving. Since I was in high school, I have thought of writing a book to reflect and grow and share; so for now, articles will have to do - to look back on the humor and substance of it all, even with the pain and the tear filled memories still very fresh and alive in my mind, I laugh and smile. My journey in writing these words is both self healing and self expressive. I believe that everyone has their own voice, a voice that sometimes others need to hear or a vision that must be shared or words that just need to be put down for one's own accomplishment. If these words are only read by three sets of eyes, then my mission is accomplished.
There are many things in my life that I cannot explain, and for the first time, it is okay. The circumstances around my birth; varying stories have troubled me my entire life; and others which will be relayed here in these pages and many that are not. And, today, I can honestly say that it does not matter. Forty-five years ago, I entered into the world; helpless, defenseless and dependent. And nothing has changed today. Everything I need has nothing to do with me. I am grateful that this realization arrived about eight years ago. This realization came through a question - "do you believe in heaven?"
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