“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well” ~ Matthew 6:33
A quick recap on my story… A month ago I shared about my need to be transparent… to show how God is working in my life. I talked about being led by the Spirit to abandon a 38 year addiction to nicotine… my ‘Goliath’… now read on!
In the final few days leading up to my quit day, quite literally- all hell broke loose! I kept feeling in my spirit that I would have a real battle on my hands and to be prayed up and ready… so I fasted, prepared cards with verses of encouragement to carry with me. Read and reread and reread Romans 8. Prayed and spoke words of affirmation. Armoured up and prepared.
Three days before I was bedridden with flu. I had planned to spend day 1 in the house all day with my church family but was too ill! The day before my big day, my 17 year old son announced he was moving out of home on quit day. 2 days before- all three computers in the house and both printers ‘died’ so hours of frustration were spent trying to get accountancy work completed before quit day… alas it couldn’t be done. I’d forgotten I had to take my husband for day surgery the following day. And then the chaos and disharmony really started.
I became really afraid because I knew in my spirit that I was going to be required to fight hard to be free - that this was going to be a ‘test’ of my will and I felt that if it was this hard before I had even started that there was no way I was going to succeed. I went to my Father in tears- “I can’t do this I cried out!” And then the realization hit like a brick wall that this was not negotiable- that if I disobeyed I would be in direct opposition to the spirit- in direct disobedience with no where to go for relief for my intentional rebellion. So, in resignation, I prepared for the following day.
The next morning I rose and took my first step in obedience. What I hadn’t known, hadn’t even thought about, was that the strength and battle I would face would be before that first step… the opposition comes before we take the step. Satan will do everything he can to discourage us… to cripple us mentally so badly that we do not even begin to walk. Once we take that first step in obedience… in blind faith… He is there waiting and catches us. I didn’t realise that if I had to fight my way out of this addiction then the glory would not be my Fathers… I would believe that my strength had freed me and not His.
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” ~John 8:36
From that first step of obedience on the day the spirit designated… I have been free. Free without pain. I have had no physical withdrawal symptoms - no shakes, no fatigue, no mood swings, no sleeplessness, no overeating, no desperate craving. Whenever my mind has thought of my addiction I turn my eyes to my Father and continue to walk in obedience with no discomfort. My job is only to remain in obedience. I have felt actively cushioned from the agitation and unpleasantness of the world around me- much like being cocooned in cotton wool. Protected and safe. And my faith and trust in Him and His protection and knowledge of me overwhelms me.
Today is the 31st of September- World No Tobacco Day and it is the first time in 38 years that I am free. I celebrate the faithfulness of a God that desires only the best for His children and empowers and enables them to be free!
A special thank you to my Pastor who walked this journey with me. I would urge you to find a prayer and accountability partner to stand beside you.
I seek Him. I want there to be nothing in Heaven or on earth that I seek more.
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