Monday, August 2, 2010
Day 266 of Giving Thanks
And in a moment of prayer for his girlfriend yesterday (my daughter’s best friend), the Lord gave me these words:
Father in a time of grief there is no way to comprehend reasons as to why things happen the way they do. I do not want to be numb Lord, yet I tend to be more at ease by allowing no sensitivity.
I pray for your arms Almighty God to hold me tightly, to shield me from the world and my current circumstances – give me the strength to wake up – and get up and face another day. It is in Your presence Abba Father that will preserve my heart, for as it breaks, and repair at this time does not seem possible.
Lord, in my sorrow I pray for healing – for restoration deep within my heart. Lord I plead that I know the time to grieve, that I allow Your timing in this process, and listen only to Your promptings. I ask for Your grace to overflow so I can receive it and live it for myself.
Allow me Lord to feel what I should feel, and know that only through this I will heal, and start to rebuild. In Jesus name I pray.
“The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life,
turning a man from the snares of death.” NIV
“The Fear-of-God is a spring of living water
so you won't go off drinking from poisoned wells.” Proverbs 14:27 (The Message)
Just in the time I have been engaged in the word, which on and off over the past 8 years, this has been truly the first time I am loving the interactions, feeling like I am truly connecting and communicating with my God, my creator. I have deep thoughts about Him, and cannot imagine the old feelings I had ever creeping back in. Many times, feelings of deep darkness, despair and desperation were a majority of my existence. Although no one really saw, or knew – it was the loneliest time and I had already given my life to Christ.
When I first became a Christian, I was alone. When Chris and I met, we were very alike – spiritual and part of unorganized faith in a supreme being. We both hated religion, the pretention of people who judged, preached and were hypocritical. And, yet as a new Christian, I was becoming one of those people. The one that was not attractive, one no one would ask about. And, really it was in my head, my own pretenses that held me hostage. I continually had expansive dialog with the enemy. I would carry on conversations with him about myself - doubting, then preaching and not living. Fearing, and not giving any of it to God. I didn’t know how. I blamed others for veering me wrong, for condemning my sin, for preaching “to the choir”; “I am already a Christian, why are you telling me this?” What I did not know is that God was reaching out, pleading and reeling me toward Him.
Yes, dark times came because I did not pursue or believe God. My sins are many, I realize the ones of envy, prejudice, pride, lying, self-righteousness and hatred of myself mostly. I knew I was saved, but I wasn’t living like God had intended me to live. My life, my passions, my “everything” suffered. I was living out of control – but from the outside, it appeared pretty normal to everyone else.
It truly was like a switch went on in my life. The day I realized that God loved me for me. That I am uniquely made for a specific purpose and my life has meaning. My heart breaks for people like me, the me of before, a me that no longer exists. My prayer everyday is that someone, anyone will hear God cry out “really, listen, I am here. I have always been here, I created you – don’t be sad, you are worthwhile, trust me and you will see; believe that I gave you everything, because I love you so much…..” and they will take action.
I am grateful for light. A light that cannot be put out or lose power as long as I plug into the ultimate power source… I am grateful that I know God and can be excited about the possibilities of my life.
© 2010 Giving Thanks Daily, Shawn Boreta
We are Wonderfully Made (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wonderfully-Made/130178720330362), living to encourage and Equip His People (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Equip-His-People-Ephesians-411-13/170487976325407) and completely committed to believing greatly Psalm 139 with purpose (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Psalm-139-with-purpose/183264461708034).